Round 2

Yesterday was our puppy's 1st birthday (and if you think 1 year old is no longer a puppy, just leave her in a room alone with your favorite pair of shoes and a piece of pizza for 3 minutes and you'll find out the truth). She has grown so fast. She's super cute, very cuddly, and stubborn as a mule. She knows all her commands but only obeys them when she wants to (i.e. when you have treats).  In the morning when we wake up she is so excited to see us, she wags her butt so hard that sometimes she hits herself in the face with her tail. Her favorite place is my lap, or your lap, really any lap will do. 60lb. lap dog. Yup, that's her. 

Last week I had lunch with a friend whose 10 year old dog had just died. A week later they came home with a new puppy. Sounded awfully familiar. Their 10 year old Chocolate Lab was loved like a child. The pain of losing him was too much to bear. I warned her ahead of time...Don't do it! Don't get a puppy!. I told her to call me in a month so I could say, "I told you so!". She's heard the stories of all the trouble our little monster has gotten into over the past 10 months. "It's a lot of work, make sure you are ready for it.", I told her. We talked about the struggles of losing our best friends. The house was too quiet, there were lots of tears, emptiness, sorrow. We don't realize just how much our pets give to us until they are gone. Needless to say, puppies are a pretty good distraction from all that. They take up a lot of time and energy. And they're pretty cute. I told her when I got our puppy, I wasn't sure I could love it as much, it felt a little like betraying the one that was no longer here. But we move on and do our best. 

That evening, I was telling my daughter about our conversation. I showed her a photo of their new little fuzzy bundle of cuteness. When I told her about the part of our talk where I said it's hard to love the second dog, she looked at me like I was completely insane and matter-of-factly said, "You can love all the dogs in the world if you want." The kid is way smarter than I am. Of course we can. We don't have to pick and choose. We are not limited to loving just one dog, or just one person. Our hearts our designed to love infinitely. There is plenty to go around! 

Puppies can be a handful, that's why they make them so cute. But they grow into kind, loving and loyal companions. They need us and we need them. They teach us that love is unconditional. They wag their tails with joy each time we come home, and snuggle up close with us at night to keep us warm. They make us laugh and are constantly in trouble, but it's all worth it. Every minute. So, Happy Birthday Mazzi. You ARE loved.

(And welcome to the world Max…now go eat your mom's favorite shoe!)

Zaida Gunny Fontanes - Zaidy - March 1 2003 - January 13, 2014

This morning I said good-bye to my beautiful, sweet dog Zaidy. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done. She was a light in my life, my constant companion, my only co-worker for the last 10 years. She was my first dog, my baby, my love.

I remember the day I met her. It was a warm sunny day in April, 2003. Early in the morning, my husband picked up the newspaper and said, "Do you want to get a puppy today?" I was in the car waiting before he finished the sentence. We drove out to a farm just north of Denver to look at the first batch of pups. None of the puppies were just right. On our way home, we stopped at another farm. They had 4 chocolate lab puppies that were almost ready to leave their mother. We walked into their pen and 3 of the pups were huddled together in the dog house. The other one ran right up to me and licked my toes (it was a very warm day that day and I was wearing flip flops). I picked her up and the moment I looked in her eyes, I knew she was my girl. A week later she came home with us and she has filled our lives with joy every day since.

Dogs are amazing creatures. They bring so much happiness to our lives. There are so many things I will miss about her. The way she would sneak up on the bed in the middle of the night and "spoon" with me, laying right up against my legs until morning. If we slept too late she would put her head right on the pillows and pant in my face, tail thwapping on the bed loudly until we got up to feed her. For her afternoon meal she would come into my office and stare at me, a long hard stare as if to burn into my brain the words "FEED ME". Then she'd do her little "dinner dance" on the way to the bowl…so excited for the next meal. If I waited too long in the afternoon to feed her, I could make her 'sing' by asking her what it was that she wanted. I will miss her lying under my desk on cold winter days while I work, keeping my toes nice and warm. Right from the start she was protective with Bella, so gentle and so patient, even when she was being ridden like a pony, her tail being pulled or poked in the eye. I will miss seeing my sweet dog and my daughter, cuddled up together on the bed while we read books at night. I will miss her beautiful face greeting me at the door every time I come home, and it will be a hard habit to break not to say "We'll be right back Zaidy" every time I leave. I might just keep saying it anyway. I will miss stepping over her in the kitchen. I swore if she could talk she would pick the winning lottery tickets because she could always predict exactly what I'd be doing in the kitchen before I started, and that's right where she'd lay. I stepped on her so many times, I'm pretty sure she thought her name was 'Sorryzaidy'. I will miss how she bounded up the stairs or to the door when we asked her if she wanted to go for a walk. I will miss her hair all over the house, her stinky dog breath, her nose prints all over the sliding glass door. I will miss everything about her.

So my dear Zaidy, I hope that you are at peace. I hope you had a happy life and I hope you know how much you were loved. You changed our lives forever. You will always be my baby. I will love you and miss you for the rest of the days of my life. You were a good girl.

It's All in the Name

Had to laugh out loud today when I asked Bella what they should name the new royal baby, and she answered matter-of-factly, "Tubby.". I like it...Prince Tubby! 

That's What Friends Are For

I spent the afternoon with a friend today. We didn't go shopping, or for a walk, or drink wine (no really, we didn't). We didn't even talk. Well, I talked, but she can't. She lost her ability to talk a year and a half ago when she fell and suffered a terribly injury to her brain. So today I visited with her and her family, and I did all the talking. Bella and I told her about all the things we've been up to this summer and the exciting things we have planned in the next month before school starts up again. I sat with her through her therapy and was filled with joy when she passed a beach ball to me 4 times (her therapist said she usually only does it once - so 4 times was impressive!). I looked deep into her eyes, hoping that she understood everything I was saying and that she is still in there somewhere. I know she is working ferociously to get out. The road behind her has been long and difficult, and the road ahead still looks like it's all uphill. But she is trying her hardest. Slowly, but surely. When I get home from a visit with her I usually cry. I can't help it. It just plain sucks to see her that way. But when I am done with my tears, I am hopeful for her. Each time I see her, I see that she is getting stronger. I see the determination as she reaches for me and tries to speak. Her mother said that she doesn't get very many visitors anymore. "People's lives are busy", she said. Yes, our lives are busy. But I can't see my life being so busy that I would stop caring about a friend. Friends need friends to stick by them - no matter what. Reminds me of one of my favorite poems:

“How many slams in an old screen door? Depends how loud you shut it. How many slices in a bread? Depends how thin you cut it. How much good inside a day? Depends how good you live 'em. How much love inside a friend? Depends how much you give 'em.”  - Shel Silverstein

Life is short...your friends are your friends for a reason. You need them, and they need you. Be good to them. Appreciate them. Take care of them. Laugh with them. Enjoy life with them. And they will do the same for you. 

A Little Goes a Long Way

I have this little game I play with my daughter. Whenever she says "I love you Mommy.", I say "I love you too, but just a little." Then her usual reply is, "No, you love me more than that..." and then we go back and forth..."more than this?" (holding my hands out about a foot). We end up at infinity +1 every time.
Tonight, as we were watching the news, this is how the conversation went:
B: I love you.
Me: I love you too, a little.
B: I'm ok with that.
Me: You are?
B: I'm ok with any kind of love. Except the love of hatred. That's not OK. But I'll take anything else.
Me: I love you a LOT!

And I really do. To infinity, plus 1.

Auld Lang Syne

Today was a beautiful day in Colorado. Let's face it, there are very few days that are NOT beautiful in Colorado, but today was especially nice. The sun was shining brightly, not a cloud in the sky. The air was cool and smelled of winter...wood fires burning, the smell of damp earth and melting snow. The mountains stood majestic today, in all their glory. It was a stunning day.

One year ago, on this day, I lost a friend. Thinking back to that time, it was hard to believe that I could walk out the door one year later and the tears would be gone. On that day, it seemed as though my friends and I would be sad forever. But that's not how life works. Time has a funny way of healing our wounds...it just does.

I went to the cemetery today with my daughter and my friends and as I walked up to Scotty's headstone, I did not cry this time. I smiled. I smiled because Scotty was always one to make you smile. I smiled because life is a beautiful thing and I'm truly happy to be alive.

2012 was a rough one. I think many of us can agree on that. But I hope that we all learned something from it. I learned that it's ok to work hard, but then I need to play harder. I learned that I need to RELAX more and not let the little things get to me! I stopped to look at my life and realized what is really important.  I've been making lists the past few days (I love a good list...so much satisfaction when you get to cross things off!) ...things to do, things to see, things to feel, to eat, to smell! I want to feel my life this year! I want to make it count!

Thank you my friend Scotty, for being here as long as you could be. I will think of you often with a smile, as it should be.

Happy New Year!

P.S. If you have something fun on your list that you want to share...call me - I just may join you!


Thoughts and love to my friends Cheryl & Monica... I hope one year from now, after the passing of both your fathers today, you will find peace and healing too.  Love you both!

RIP Sweet Jessica

Tonight, as I sit here at my computer, I am trying to think of the words to communicate the whirlwind of feelings going through me. A little girl who I never met, but in the past week has become such a huge part of our lives here in Colorado, was taken away from this world much too soon. When I heard the news today that this beautiful innocent life was gone, I felt my heart break in half. As a mother of a daughter close to her age, I cannot begin to imagine the pain Jessica's family and friends must feel right now. Pain, anger, guilt, sorrow, regret. If only. What if. Excuse my language but... they better find the fucking bastard that did this! I am angry, sorrowful, devastated. It. Is. Not. Fair. There are some who believe in God, and some who don't...in times like these, I think we all look somewhere for an answer. The only one I can think of is that this is a sign that we MUST start loving each other, instead of hating. We must accept each others differences and value one and other. Never look down on someone else...instead look out for someone else. We must take the time, MAKE the time for our children, our families, our friends. We must care for each other, learn from each other and help each other. Life is too short to do anything else.
So, I will turn off my computer now, put my work away, leave the house dirty for a few more days.... and spend the weekend celebrating life with my family and friends.
Rest in peace sweet Jessica. You will be missed.

Full Circle

Eight years ago, I got a phone call from a total stranger. She introduced herself and told me she was a photographer that had just moved to Denver and was looking to meet some other people in the wedding business. We met for coffee at a bookstore, me with my 4 month old baby girl in tow. We chatted a bit about our businesses, Denver, life in general. I am so glad she called me that day because 8 years later, I am proud to call Sara Lazio my friend.

I met her again today for lunch. This time she is preparing to leave Denver. She and her beautiful family are heading east to start a new chapter in their lives. I am excited for her (and selfishly sad that she is going). Even though we only saw each other a few times a year, I feel like Sara has been an important part of my life and my business. She has captured precious moments in the life of my family and my friends, and in return I had the privilege of printing holiday cards and birthday party invitations for her & her husband and their 3 sweet boys.  It was nice to know that she was close by and that as my business was growing, so was hers. I feel a little bit like we were in Kindergarten together so many years ago at that coffee shop, and now we have graduated and she's heading off to college far away without me! But I know that change is good, and we will both continue to lead happy and succesful lives, wherever we are.

Dear Sara, I wish only the best for you, your family and your business. You deserve it!  Thank you for your beautiful photography, your inspiration and your friendship. I am a better person having met you and I know our paths will cross again...

(all photos by Sara Lazio - Lazio Images)

A Girl after my Own Heart

Mother's Day Questionnaire (Bella, age 8):
1. What's your favorite thing about your mom? She's creative.
2. What was your mom like when she was a little girl? She was creative.
3. If your mom wasn't a wedding invitation designer, what would she be? An artist.
4. What's your mom's favorite food? Pizza. Color? Orange. Thing to do with you? Love me.
5. What does your mom NOT like to do? Eat mint.
6. How do you know your mom loves you? Because I love her too.
7. What is something you want to do with your mom in the future that you have never done before? Go to Italy.
8. What is your first memory of your mom? She loved me.
9. How are you an your mom alike? We like art.
10. What do you want to be when you grow up? An artist.

Ha ha ha

I need to do more laughing out loud. I think we all need to do a little more laughing out loud. It makes us feel better. Remember the last time you saw a funny movie, a REALLY funny movie? Wasn't it great? Remember the last time you laughed so hard, you cried? Fun, right? A good sense of humor is a quality that I admire most in a person. Sometimes I think we all get caught up in life, work, politics, etc. and we forget to stop and just enjoy life. So your mission today is to laugh! I mean have a good laugh. Look around you, listen to your kids (they always have something funny to say), do a crazy dance and laugh at yourself, call your funniest friend, go to a movie or watch a comedy on tv if necessary, leave a comment with your funniest joke to share... Find the funny, and then remember how it feels and spread it around for the rest of the day.

LOL - go ahead!

We are Family

I learned a lot about my 'family' this week. I have always had a very supportive family... my husband, my daughter, my mom, dad, sister, in-laws, etc., and I am forever grateful for all of them. But this week, my family got much bigger. My family also includes the people that are around at a moments notice when needed, the people that over the years, have helped us move, driven us to the airport, painted walls in our house. They are the people that I run half-marathons with, the people I call for parenting advice, the people I work with and play with and travel with. They are the women that I admire that are amazing mothers and support each other at the hardest job we will ever have. They are the men that take care of us and love us and make us feel safe. They are the children that make us smile and keep us young and give us hope. They are the people that I have spent the last 7 years with for Thanksgiving and Christmas. They are all the people who gathered yesterday to say good-bye to our dear friend, our brother. They are the people that shared tears and laughter in rememberence. They are the people that, in the years to come, will try to help fill the empty space. They are the people who will continue to support each other in good times and bad. They are my family.

Love

On October 12, 2002, our friend Scotty stood up reluctantly to read a verse at my wedding. It was not something he really wanted to do, to speak in front of a large crowd. But he did it, for us. As he started to read, a small, LOUD airplane flew overhead and started to drown out his voice. He paused for a moment as we all looked up at the plane and chuckled. But Scotty didn't let it stop him. He just smiled and read louder. The words he read will remain in my heart forever:

"Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast;

it is not arrogant or rude.

It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;

it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things,

endures all things. Love never ends."

Yesterday morning I received the news that Scotty died suddenly in an accident. The first few hours of the day were spent in disbelief. The rest of the day was spent talking to friends and family, trying to comprehend that this had really happened. The tears came and went uncontrollably. It just didn't seem real.

At the end of the day, a gorgeous sunny Colorado day, I walked slowly to pick up my daughter from school. On the way home, I talked to my beautiful innocent 7 year old about death. About the death of our friend. I told her why we were so sad and what death really means. I told her that her two little friends were going to be very sad for a long time because their Daddy was gone. I assured her that most of the time, Mommies and Daddies live to be old and gray. I assured her that she should not worry about her Daddy or me. I held her hand and made sure she was OK and she understood. Later in the evening, I watched my strong, rock of a husband weep at the loss of his friend. He spent the entire day trying to make a small dent in the incredible list of things that need to be done when someone dies. He spent the entire day fighting back the tears. I am completely heartbroken and utterly at a loss, thinking of my friend and her two sweet little girls that are devastated and in shock over the loss of their husband and father. I am completely heartbroken for their families and for our friends. All I could do all night was send love and thoughts their way.

But there is one thing that I know, something Scotty taught me 10 years ago. When life is tough, when that loud little plane flies over your head and tries to drown out your voice … keep going. Smile. Don't give up. Love louder!

All my love to you Lisa, Ali, Riley, and all of your family and all of our amazing friends. I miss you Scotty and our love for you will last forever. Rest in peace friend.

When I Grow Up

A few days ago, Bella proudly announced "Mom! I changed my mind on what I am going to be when I grow up. I am going to be an Author and an Illustrator."

Of course I was proud. Not only for her new creative career choice, but because for the last year or so every time I ask her what she wants to do for a living she has replied, "I'm going to be an Ice Cream Taster".

Now don't get me wrong, if Ben and Jerry called to offer me the job, I may consider packing up the family and moving to Vermont. The thought of eating 'Late Night Snack" and "Chubby Hubby" every day does sound like a dream job. But then again, opportunities for advancement are limited (because really, what could be better than tasting ice cream...maybe ice cream and cake taster?), it gets really cold in Vermont in the winter and I don't like eating ice cream when I am cold, and then there's the health risks...daily brain freezes could cause permanent damage...you never know.

So while Ice Cream Taster sounds like a fun job, I think Author and Illustrator sounds like even more fun. And from the impressive stories and pictures the kid is already writing and drawing at age 7, I think she has a pretty good shot at it.

So for now, we'll just be amateur ice cream tasters. I think I hear Ben & Jerry calling now, from the freezer...

Countdown to Disney

Woke this morning to find Daddy & Bella's countdown to Disney drawn on the family chalkboard. One week from today we'll head off to sunny Florida for the adventure we have been planning for what seems like years. Numerous phone calls to my incredibly helpful cousin (whose husband works at the park) for hotel recommendations, park tips, travel arrangements; hours and hours of searching online for the list of attractions we don't want to miss; and day after day, night after night of daydreaming with a 7 year old on how much fun we are going to have...and it is now a mere 7 days away.

My mom, sister and I - Disney World 1972

Disney World has changed a LOT since 1972. The park had been open less than a year on my first visit. Some of the attractions were not even finished yet. There was no Epcot, no Hollywood studios, construction of the famous Space Mountain had not even begun yet. But the magic of Disney was still there. Right from the start Walt Disney had a dream of creating a magical world and right from the start it did not disappoint. I was 3 years old. I don't remember one thing about it. But I am assured now by my parents that my sister and I were as excited about the trip then as kids are today. They also tell me that I was terrified of the Disney characters in costume and did a lot of crying (sounds about right, I was a very shy child...believe it or not). Nonetheless, we had a great time (thankfully, with photos to prove I wasn't crying the entire time! ).

So as I plan the trip next week with my own daughter, I hope to fill our scrapbook with photos of fun and adventure. Splash Mountain, Pirates of the Caribbean, Toy Story, Hollywood Studios, Animal Kindom, Mickey's fireworks, Tea Cups, It's a Small World, and more (and lucky for Mommy, Daddy & Abuela, it's Food & Wine Festival at Epcot while we are there too!) When I suggested lunch at the castle with Cinderella I was informed that "Princesses are for little girls Mommy", so we are having breakfast with the Mad Hatter instead. I can't wait to see the look on her face as we enter the park. That alone will make the trip worth it. A little girls dream coming to reality in just 7 days. Let the adventures begin!

Mind the Gap

I haven't been writing in the blog lately, but I have to check back in once in a while to document some important moments in history...

Tonight, as we sat down to eat dinner, Bella's very wiggly tooth plopped right out of her mouth and into her spaghetti. We celebrated with a toast and three cheers! The generous tooth fairy will come tonight (HE insisted the first one is worth a ten-spot!), so the excitement will continue tomorrow morning. I just stopped in her disaster-of-a-room to wish her good-night and told her that she should clean it up because the Tooth Fairy might trip on something on her way in. She replied, matter-of-factly, "Fairies fly Mommy, she'll be fine".

OK, Maybe Just One More

So my kid is in the tub and she yells for me, then says, "Mommy, smell in this cup" and hands me a plastic cup out of the tub. I say "why?" and she laughs and says "I tooted in it." She could only have gotten that trait from her father.

It's The End of the Blog As We Know It

Since my last post, Bella started Kindergarten, has learned to read, grew about 5 inches and she has just gotten smarter and smarter every day. Between school & homework, play dates, vacations, skiing, ballet lessons, duck hunting (yup, little girl's a ballerina and a hunter!), trips to the playground, etc. etc. etc., my time for keeping the blog updated has dwindled away. So while I'll say good-bye online, the words I have written for the past 2 years will be soon published in hardcover - forever in print to someday embarrass and torment my beautiful and beloved daughter!

So looking back to my very first entry, I'll end with this simple message:

Take a moment each day to laugh out loud...Because Life is Funny...Enjoy the ride!

It's beginning to look a lot like winter...

Last night it was a cold night. Bella crawled up onto my bed so we could read some books before going to sleep. The dog had been laying right where she wanted to sit so of course, the dog got kicked out and moped off to find another place to curl up. Bella noticed that the bed was nice and warm where Zaidy had been laying. She jumped right under the covers and yelled, "Mmm mmm...warm and cuddly, here I come!"

I know it's been a while since I last wrote, but the laugh out loud moments are still an every day occurrence. I'll try to be better about sharing them again.

Coming soon...

I know I've been slacking lately, but it's summer time! We've been having too much fun. Stay tuned...

Like Mother, Like Daughter

I can hear Bella in the next room playing with her friend. They are searching for treasures and playing dress up. I peek out and her friend has on some sunglasses and a hat and he says "I am going to be the mailman." As Bella puts on some fancy shoes with feathers on them, she replies "I am going to be Shoe Girl!"

That's my girl.